My son: No need to get physical!

If you chose to raise a child, then it is commitment that you chose to make. No excuses.  It is a heavy responsibility and not something you delegate to other and then blame that person for any negative impact.  This is especially true during their early childhood formative years.  If you choose to have your helper raise your child, and if the child uses the same language and manners of the helper, do not blame the helper.  The fault resides with you.  If you choose to leave your child in the care of a nursery, it is your responsibility to ensure that it is a safe and nurturing environment.  If you act in a rude and aggressive manner, guess what?  Your child will do the same.  

There are many parents who abdicate their responsibility of educating their children in the basic social interaction etiquette as well as how to be responsible resulting in the child who thinks that bad behaviour is the norm.  The parents then expect the schools to teach their children the basic social etiquette and responsibility and then hit on the teachers because their children have bad behaviour and are irresponsible.

I firmly belief that no child should be slapped, hit, pinched, kicked or abused in any way to correct a behaviour.  To me when the parent(s) feel that they want to physically abuse the child in that manner, they should first apply it to themselves because the fault lies squarely on them.  For example, I have seen children being slapped for spilling food or drink.  Guess what, the parent should first slap themselves for not teaching their child how not to spill the food or drink.  There have been many instances when I see a parent slap, smack or pinch their children for whining, taking things they shouldn't or for running int he store.  This is the fault of the parent for not educating their children as well as for not being sensitive to the child's needs. So parents who do this, please first slap, smack and pinch yourselves first.  Raising a child is not easy and requires patience.  In raising my son, when he does something not to my liking and he is not in danger, I will have to take a deep breath first, collect my thoughts before reacting.  If it is a dangerous situation, I will deal with the danger first and then take a deep breath and evaluate what I should do for corrective measure and to educate him.  Anger is my enemy and it accomplishes nothing in educating my son.

One of the most common things that we as parents do is to take our children grocery shopping.  First I will determine if he is tired or hungry.  If he is tired, then I either of some other time or leave him at home.  If he is hungry, then I will feed him first. Tired and hungry children in a grocery store is a recipe for misbehaviour as it is the fault of the parent.  When we get to the grocery store, he is an active participant.  It is an opportunity for him to learn how to behave in a grocery store, an opportunity to communicate and increasing his vocabulary as well as learning limits.  We agree beforehand on what he can get and I always limit it to one item.  He gets to make that decision so he decides and evaluates what is important to him.  Of course if what he decides is inappropriate, then we will discuss about it so he understands why he cannot have something.  My approach is always " Mommy thinks......." and not an immediate no which will raise his defences.  Just think about it.  If someone just yells no at you, how would you react.  When I have seen instances when parents hit their children, sometimes I will go to the parent and say "You should hit yourself first.  The fault is with you.  Be a parent and be responsible".  Often, I will get glared at or ignored but I hope the parent will think about the incident and realise what they have done is not right.  Children should be defended and cared for not abused.

Talking through his fourth year

When he was 3 years old, the most comments I got was "How come he is not fluent at speaking yet?".  My standard response is each child develops at his own pace and I will not compare one specific area of development with other.  Whilst he may not be expressing himself verbally clearly, he understood what was said to him.  He is exposed to 3 different languages: Malay, English and Spanish.  We use all 3 languages at home.  Some have told me that it is not a good approach because it will confuse him.  Whilst others have said that it is good to expose him to the languages.  My take:  I read a report on child development regarding communication.  The gist of it is "Learning multiple languages improves a child's brain development."
I find this to be true.  His comprehension skills is good and his cognitive skills is good.  It doesn't matter to me that he uses all 3 languages in expressing himself.  To me, it indicates that he is not thinking in a particular language to express himself but finding a way to express himself verbally that he thinks is best.  In other words, he is thinking in terms of concepts unhindered by language.
Throughout this year, I find that his verbal communications has improved markedly.  My dad used to complain when will he begin to speak as his other grandchildren and great-grandchildren were talking at an earlier age.  Now, his complaint is he has difficulty following GM's conversation because he uses all 3 languages.
He is still attending his gym classes and his physical development is good.  From small I have exposed him to many social settings so he is able to adapt well in many social environments.  He interacts well socially and is able to "make friends" easily.  I find it interesting that he communicates in the language of the setting although sometimes he does mix them.  For example, if he is in a setting where English is spoken, than he will speak in English.  When he is asked a question in Malay, he will answer in Malay.  His Spanish vocabulary is still limited but he understands it so sometimes he will respond in Malay or English mixed with Spanish.
In October I started learning the Arabic language so now I am starting to expose him to this language too.  Arabic language is more complex and pronunciation is a challenge.  I find it a challenge in learning it but I think it will be easier for him as his mind is still uncluttered and he is like a sponge, able to soak up the knowledge.
I am in the position to spend a lot of time with him and I bring him along whenever the situation permits it.  This enables him to mix socially at many levels and provides an opportunity for him to communicate verbally in many settings.  To me, it is important that he learns the social skills and expressing himself is an important skill.
To those who feel that their child is not speaking well enough or learning to speak fast enough, take a look at their holistic development.  Sometimes, some children just take a bit longer to master languages but it doesn't mean that there is something wrong in them.

Many changes at 3 years

I am amazed at the physical develop of Zouq.  At 3 years, he is a strong little boy, with a muscular body - Mommy is definitely no comparison.  His activities at the gym as well as regularly swimming has a marked positive effect on his physical development.  He is confident in his movements and prefers to run than walk, an active child with boundless energy.  Hence these two activities play a major role in helping him expend his energy in a positive way.  Personally, I highly recommend
incorporating these two activities as it helps in their motor skills development, confidence and physically.  He is taller than the average child of his age as well as physical activity, an assessment by some professionals place it at the 5-6 year old range.

In the last month, he has definitely started talking more, using words that we can understand.  He is trilingual - using English, Spanish and Bahasa Malaysia.  Some people say that this will delay his speech development since he is trying to learn 3 languages but then again, I see some children who are just using one language also do not have clear speech development.  This evaluation is only from the adult perspective.  I see he has no problem in communicating with his peers.  So I guess it all boils down to each child's development is different.  The plus side is he will be trilingual and this will help with his language development in the future.  After all, at this age, he is able to absorb more easily and I do not care that he uses all three languages at the same time.  His mommy understands it all :)

The benefit of starting him young on vegetables and good food is that he continues to enjoy fruits and vegetables along with the other foods.  It reduces my worry on him not getting the necessary nutrition he requires.  He still drinks milk but it has reduced to 3 times a day: early morning, late afternoon and before he goes to sleep at night.  I pretty much follow his rhythm where eating is concerned.  He will only eat when he is hungry and will tell me :"Mommy, nak makan".  He loves chocolates but he has definitely got good taste as he only likes good chocolates like Swiss and Belgian chocolates.  He loves sherbet-like ice creams.  I do not prohibit him from eating these, only control his consumption.  Luckily, he doesn't like sweet candy.  He also loves fish crackers so it is Mommy's job to make sure the ones he eats are good - more often it is one that I bought based on quality and fried at home so I know the oil that it is fried in.

Disciplining him is a tricky thing and I find that it does require a lot of patience.  I bear in mind that he will follow or mimic what we adults do so I am very careful around him in my speech and behaviour.  I do not belief in hitting or pinching a child as punishment.  After all, they are innocent and it is up to us to correct the negative behaviour in a positive manner.  Using these types of physical punishment only teaches him that it is ok to hit or pinch other people if he is displeased - not something that I want to teach him!  This is where taking the time to explain to him or show him why it is not something he should do and this takes patience.  It also takes the art of distraction when has has his crying fits because he cannot get what he wants and again lots of patience.  Hitting him because he is crying is a big no-no because he doesn't understand.  Although sometimes my ears are ringing from his fits, or I feel angry that he is misbehaving, I take a time-out and remind myself that he is too young to know better.  I remind myself constantly that anger or frustration doesn't resolve anything.  As such, I do not permit anyone to use any physical punishment on him.

I do not send him to daycare or nursery and do not plan to send him to a nursery or kindergarten until he can express to me if something that shouldn't be done to him has been done to him like being hit, slapped or abused in any way.  I do teach him his alphabets, numbers, counting and words in other ways so in a way, he is being home-schooled at the moment.  He can count to 10 and recognises some
of the alphabets although saying all 26 of them is still a challenge.  We read books, draw and color, as well as say what we are going to do and count whenever the opportunity arises.  Some say that by me not sending him to nursery will adversely affect his social developments.  I say, by exposing him to his gym class, other activities with other children and adults, he is social development is just fine.  He says "Please" and "Thank you" and practices social etiquette - although sometimes he forgets - and this is just fine with me.

All in all, raising Allah's gift to me, Giovanni Marzouq, has not been plain sailing, but it has brought me a lot of joy and self-awareness.  I love him and cherish him.  Simple as that.

Each child is different

GM is almost 35 month old or one month shy of turning 3 years old.  A lot has happened in the last 20 months.  I feel blessed that I am in the position to witness and participate in each milestone.
Being an active child, I enrolled him in baby gym class when he turned 2 years old which meant Mommy too had to attend his classes.  This class was very good for his motor development skills as well as his social development.  He got to learn to play with other children of his age in a safe environment.  He also got a "workout" appropriate for his age and I could see his self-confidence increasing as he progressed.  His physical development was also good - getting stronger and though he looked like he was slim, his weight hovered in the 15kg range of lots of muscle and little fat.  Often people mistake him for being around 5 years old and ask which kindergarten does he go to.  My standard reply is: " He still hasn't reached the minimum age" :).

His diet also began to change with more solid foods of mainly organic vegetables, proteins and less processed carbohydrates.  As far as possible, I aimed for a more natural diet using good fats such as butter and not margarine.  I would always have vegetables for lunch and dinner and fruit included in breakfast.  Since I am blessed to have my own organic farm, most of his vegetables came from the farm fresh.  Now, he eats vegetables without any problem something that I often see children avoid.  He also eats a variety of fruits - bananas are all from the farm, but the other fruits, I try to avoid genetically-modified varieties.  I always make it a point to know the source of the fruit and vegetables.  I avoid fruits from Thailand since most of it is grown in a high pesticide environment and with added hormones and preservatives.  I tend to avoid produce from China due to their high usage of pesticide and chemicals.  My aim was to make his "insides" strong with good development.

His verbal communications skills is still not very good but he can express what he wants or doesn't want.  Since he is tri-lingual - Malay, English and Spanish - he mixes all 3 languages when he speaks.  His vocabulary in all 3 languages is improving although his pronunciation is still not precise.  He understands more than he vocalises.  We avoid "baby-talk" and pronounce words normally.  Until he can express himself more, I do not intend to send him to nurseries or pre-kinder or daycare.  I worry about him not being able to voice himself should anything untoward happen so for the moment he is always with at least one of us.

As he approaches turning 3 years old, his speech development may not be as advanced as some other children but his physical and motor skills development are more advanced than others.  Each child develops at their own rate and all you can do is to support that development.  Hence I do not worry as to why he cannot speak fluently yet.  All in all, I am thankful that he is growing strong and healthy in a loving environment with strong familial ties.

First 16 months

I feel blessed and happy at seeing GM's development through his 16 months.  There have been many changes and he has grown.  The first month was spent more with ensuring that he was comfortable, well-fed and did not get colic.  Alhamdulillah, there was only two episodes and I put it to me forgetting to massaging the Telon oil or Yu Yee oil on his tummy, back and soles of his foot.  Poor baby, and poor Mommy cause it led to a few hours of pacing and consoling him till his tummy settled down.  Other than that, it also meant that Mommy had very few hours of sleep because he needed to be fed at least every four hours.  One of the practices that I attribute to his good body development, apart from ensuring healthy milk, was massaging him twice a day.  I would massage his total body and also laid him on his tummy. I was fortunate that he was not a crier, only crying when he wanted to be fed or changed.  He also preferred cooler temperature and would get fussy when it was warm or hot.  For travel, I place him in a car seat, a practice that I am thankful I started early because it became the norm for him and I can easily place him in the car seat without fuss.  My suggestion to every newborn mother is to start this practice for travelling in a car seat as soon as possible.  Not only is it a safe way, but also allows you to drive without distraction.

During the second month, I would lay him on his tummy for at least 5 minutes, 3-4 times a day, careful about his head placement.  He did not enjoy being bundled, wrapped in a cocoon so I acceded to his wishes.  I spent a few minutes after every meal, talking to him, making eye contact and exaggerated facial movements and voice intonations.  Being a Muslim, I also zikir and read Quranic verses to him as a lullaby.  This is a practice that I do until today and inshallah, will continue to do so.  The twice a day massages continued, after every bath time, as well as some simple arms and leg exercises.  He was also able to hold his head up and did not appreciate being carried horizontally when he was awake.  I guess he was eager to see what was going on around him and being carried vertically allowed him a better view.  He also outgrew his car seat so I got another car seat, one that advertised could be used until the age of 4.  We shall see.   I also have his travel bag ready all the time, equipped with his formula, diapers and toiletries as well as change of clothes and several bibs.

By the third month, he was already laying on his tummy, and able to rollover. I spent a lot of time engaging with him to encourage interaction.  I took him everywhere, carrying him in front, in a baby Bjorg that allowed my hands to be free so this meant that he often slept while being carried around.  One essential item that I invested in was an ear thermometer.  One of my major fears was high fever.

I adhered strictly to his shots and made sure that they were on time.  Prevention is always a thousand more times better than cure.

Nowadays, he is very active, preferring to run than walk.  All in all, Mommy has her work cut out for her, keeping out with her little man.

Responsive 7th month

Used to be that GM hardly takes note of my movements but lately, whenever he sees me, his eyes will track my movement until I am out of sight.  Should I approach him, he will get excited and literally bounces up and down - a really cute sight and definitely heart-warming.  It seems he has also associated with me going out with my handbag.  Whenever I pick up my handbag, he will keep watching me and if I do not pick him up, he will start to cry.

His crawling has also improved and he can move pretty fast, especially

when he sees something that he wants.  At times, in his excitement, he will crawl with his hands and feet as opposed to hands and knees.  He also loves it when I hold his hands and he walks - he "squeals" and has a big smile on his face.  He can also move to a sitting position on his own and sits well.  He will often take a break from crawling by sitting before continuing with exploring.

From his diet standpoint, he drinks milk 6 times a day, 110 fl. oz. each time.  He eats soft foods 3 times day, accompanied by plain water.  I also give him 50 fl. oz. of fruit juice daily - unsweetened.  Alhamdulillah, I am fortunate that GM is easy to feed and doesn't "pick" his food and will eat whatever is served.  He has his "dinner" at between 7-7.30pm followed by his last bottle of milk for the day between 8.30-9pm and then it is his bedtime.  I find that with this evening feeding schedule, he sleeps through the night and wakes up around 5.30-6 am which works well for me.

I also introduced him to the swimming pool and he loves it.  The first time that he entered the pool, he was very excited, his legs pumping furiously.  He definitely loves water.  I feel that introducing him to water activities will also help with his physical development including his motor skills.

He is also "talking" more, making more different sounds and tones.  Often we would have conversations although I wonder how much he understands.  He has also begun to express his displeasure when he is denied something that he wants and at time will continue to babble in a rather "angry" tone for a few minutes.  For a baby who is just seven months, it is rather funny to listen and watch. 

As he turns 7 months, he is now 70cm tall and weighs 9 kg so my "weight training aid" is starting to feel quite heavy after a few reps :).  He has now outgrown all his 3-6 months clothes - mainly they have become too short for him.  I love watching him grow.

Progress all around to 6 months

As I watch his mobility progress this month, it has really been interesting.  In the beginning, he would be on his hands and knees, move his knees forward a couple of steps and would lunge forward so his head would be in front of his arms.  He would then lift his arms and place it parallel to his head and move his knees accordingly.  Most people tell me that babies learn to go backwards first but GM has opted to go forward.  He moves fast for a little person and when he is not in his playpen, he requires constant supervision.  Whenever something catches his eye, he "really moves" to try to get to it. 

With his increase in activity, I have also opted to increase his soft meals to 3
times per day and his milk intake is 6 times a day.  Even with the increase in intake, he hasn't developed Michelin arms and legs but is becoming more muscular.  I guess he works off the additional meals.  He also drinks juices and plain water so this helps me ensure that he doesn't get dehydrated from all the drooling and sweating.

GM takes a few naps a day but each nap lasts no longer than 30 minutes.  In the beginning of this month, he will have his last milk around midnight and then he will proceed to sleep until 5.30 to 6am.  From what I have read, babies should be able to sleep 8 hours straight now and require no night feedings but I just use this as a guideline.  As long as he is healthy and developing well, I am not worried.  Towards his completion of his sixth month, with the meals and more activity, I put him to bed at 9pm and he wakes up at 6am - a definite progress which also means that I can sleep at longer stretches.

He also talks more and we would sometimes "chit-chat" in the car and also before he goes to sleep - a way I use to unwind him in preparation for sleep.  I would normally start "slowing" him down around 8pm, starting with a bottle of milk, massaging him, chatting with him, all slower paced activities.  We would also spend time reading Quranic verses before he would fall asleep.  I try to stick to this routine as much as possible although when we attend events, this may not be possible.

GM remains his smiling self, always a smile for people who greet him
which really endears him to many.  He also is willing to be held by anyone so this really helps me out a lot, allowing me to have someone care for him when I need to do something.  As he rounds off his 6th month, he weighs 8.6kg and is 66cm tall.