My son: No need to get physical!

If you chose to raise a child, then it is commitment that you chose to make. No excuses.  It is a heavy responsibility and not something you delegate to other and then blame that person for any negative impact.  This is especially true during their early childhood formative years.  If you choose to have your helper raise your child, and if the child uses the same language and manners of the helper, do not blame the helper.  The fault resides with you.  If you choose to leave your child in the care of a nursery, it is your responsibility to ensure that it is a safe and nurturing environment.  If you act in a rude and aggressive manner, guess what?  Your child will do the same.  

There are many parents who abdicate their responsibility of educating their children in the basic social interaction etiquette as well as how to be responsible resulting in the child who thinks that bad behaviour is the norm.  The parents then expect the schools to teach their children the basic social etiquette and responsibility and then hit on the teachers because their children have bad behaviour and are irresponsible.

I firmly belief that no child should be slapped, hit, pinched, kicked or abused in any way to correct a behaviour.  To me when the parent(s) feel that they want to physically abuse the child in that manner, they should first apply it to themselves because the fault lies squarely on them.  For example, I have seen children being slapped for spilling food or drink.  Guess what, the parent should first slap themselves for not teaching their child how not to spill the food or drink.  There have been many instances when I see a parent slap, smack or pinch their children for whining, taking things they shouldn't or for running int he store.  This is the fault of the parent for not educating their children as well as for not being sensitive to the child's needs. So parents who do this, please first slap, smack and pinch yourselves first.  Raising a child is not easy and requires patience.  In raising my son, when he does something not to my liking and he is not in danger, I will have to take a deep breath first, collect my thoughts before reacting.  If it is a dangerous situation, I will deal with the danger first and then take a deep breath and evaluate what I should do for corrective measure and to educate him.  Anger is my enemy and it accomplishes nothing in educating my son.

One of the most common things that we as parents do is to take our children grocery shopping.  First I will determine if he is tired or hungry.  If he is tired, then I either of some other time or leave him at home.  If he is hungry, then I will feed him first. Tired and hungry children in a grocery store is a recipe for misbehaviour as it is the fault of the parent.  When we get to the grocery store, he is an active participant.  It is an opportunity for him to learn how to behave in a grocery store, an opportunity to communicate and increasing his vocabulary as well as learning limits.  We agree beforehand on what he can get and I always limit it to one item.  He gets to make that decision so he decides and evaluates what is important to him.  Of course if what he decides is inappropriate, then we will discuss about it so he understands why he cannot have something.  My approach is always " Mommy thinks......." and not an immediate no which will raise his defences.  Just think about it.  If someone just yells no at you, how would you react.  When I have seen instances when parents hit their children, sometimes I will go to the parent and say "You should hit yourself first.  The fault is with you.  Be a parent and be responsible".  Often, I will get glared at or ignored but I hope the parent will think about the incident and realise what they have done is not right.  Children should be defended and cared for not abused.

Talking through his fourth year

When he was 3 years old, the most comments I got was "How come he is not fluent at speaking yet?".  My standard response is each child develops at his own pace and I will not compare one specific area of development with other.  Whilst he may not be expressing himself verbally clearly, he understood what was said to him.  He is exposed to 3 different languages: Malay, English and Spanish.  We use all 3 languages at home.  Some have told me that it is not a good approach because it will confuse him.  Whilst others have said that it is good to expose him to the languages.  My take:  I read a report on child development regarding communication.  The gist of it is "Learning multiple languages improves a child's brain development."
I find this to be true.  His comprehension skills is good and his cognitive skills is good.  It doesn't matter to me that he uses all 3 languages in expressing himself.  To me, it indicates that he is not thinking in a particular language to express himself but finding a way to express himself verbally that he thinks is best.  In other words, he is thinking in terms of concepts unhindered by language.
Throughout this year, I find that his verbal communications has improved markedly.  My dad used to complain when will he begin to speak as his other grandchildren and great-grandchildren were talking at an earlier age.  Now, his complaint is he has difficulty following GM's conversation because he uses all 3 languages.
He is still attending his gym classes and his physical development is good.  From small I have exposed him to many social settings so he is able to adapt well in many social environments.  He interacts well socially and is able to "make friends" easily.  I find it interesting that he communicates in the language of the setting although sometimes he does mix them.  For example, if he is in a setting where English is spoken, than he will speak in English.  When he is asked a question in Malay, he will answer in Malay.  His Spanish vocabulary is still limited but he understands it so sometimes he will respond in Malay or English mixed with Spanish.
In October I started learning the Arabic language so now I am starting to expose him to this language too.  Arabic language is more complex and pronunciation is a challenge.  I find it a challenge in learning it but I think it will be easier for him as his mind is still uncluttered and he is like a sponge, able to soak up the knowledge.
I am in the position to spend a lot of time with him and I bring him along whenever the situation permits it.  This enables him to mix socially at many levels and provides an opportunity for him to communicate verbally in many settings.  To me, it is important that he learns the social skills and expressing himself is an important skill.
To those who feel that their child is not speaking well enough or learning to speak fast enough, take a look at their holistic development.  Sometimes, some children just take a bit longer to master languages but it doesn't mean that there is something wrong in them.